"Don't forget to flex"

I found myself saying this to a new friend this week. We were standing on the beach watching dolphins playing in the water while a big ass pirate ship with no sails cruised by as she was telling me about the ongoing struggle and heavy pressure created by the custody battle she was locked in with a former partner who was not playing nice or fair, vindictive seems to be an apt description. I could feel the panicky energy just below the surface. Totally warranted right? I mean panic is a true response to someone trying to take your kids away. And, I could sense that she was trying to hold onto the control she needed to strategize her way through the ex's manipulation and legal firepower. "Don't forget to flex," I said, the words coming, as they often do, through me and not from me. "Yeah," she said, instantly connecting with the message meant for her and relaxing a bit as the words made their way by some energetic osmosis into her nervous system and spirit.

But what does that mean, "don't forget to flex"? I think it means that even when we're hit with hard times, to remember that we have options, skills, strength. Don't take it laying down you know? I think it also speaks to what the Buddhists say about not suffering about the suffering, and man have I realized the truth about that. I think so much of the last 6 years of my life have been suffering about the suffering, not the initial cause of suffering itself. Is it any wonder that I have felt insufferable and wishing I could avoid myself? I also wish I had heard this message myself a little more loudly and put it into practice more often. But what does flexing actually mean? I think the actions will look very different from person to person but the rebellious spirit of 'i don't care that my chips are down, let me show you a piece of what i'm made of and don't count me out just yet' will be clear as a bell.

Examples. When I was getting my ass handed to me with infertility treatments and dominoing health problems and miserable in my own skin, one of my healthier responses to the situation was to flex some strength and beauty in the form of a new tattoo with my beloved Great Blue Heron and other symbols speaking to connection and dignity. There's certainly a popular element of flexing taking on body modifications - a new piercing, tattoo, or hair color/style change. One gorgeous example I've seen of flexing in the face of destruction, is my mom. We lost my dad last year and it's been heartbreaking and sucky and scary, and while my mom has felt every ounce of her grief, she's also flexed her feisty and independent self by joining a weekly mahjong group and fixing a plumbing issue herself. In both of our responses to suffering, I can hear the message to the universe - don't count me out just yet, I'm still here damnit!

We hear a lot about grit and resiliency these days and flexing in the face of adversity is one way to literally flex our grit and resiliency muscles. What does flexing look like to you? When have you done it in the past and is there a place in your life where you could benefit from deploying this tactic? Maybe next time you hit a hard time in you life, think about flexing with some flair and sass as your reaction instead of numbing with alcohol, scrolling, or shopping.

Thanks to whomever and whatever is sending those words through my open channel. This is me trying to do a better job of receiving and sharing the messages.

Click here for the next blog about coping with chronic health stuff in a more gentle way.